be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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