Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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