And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
