1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
