there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
