WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
