Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
