I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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