Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
