that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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