Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
