Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
