New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
