Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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