He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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