The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
