the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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