I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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