you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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