Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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