Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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