So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize