Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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