I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize