1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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