look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
