So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Randomize
