Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
