yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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