Cold hands, warm shart.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
