Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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