Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
