You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
