I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
