did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i think i just lost a toe
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
