I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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