Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
