At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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