my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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