he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
