I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
