it's like iHOP with fire
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize