I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
