thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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