i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize