I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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