After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize