Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
