In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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