He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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