I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
