I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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