No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
