I want to stick my p in your. b.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
