I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
