Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
