Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize