you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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