Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
