every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
