It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
