sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
