She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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