i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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