I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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