drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
