I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
