broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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