Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
