Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
