He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
