I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
