I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
